Why am I a Biblical Counselor?
I thought I had a personal relationship with the Lord in 2001. I really believed I did. I was in prayer, was in the Word daily and thought I was studying it properly.
After six years as a divorced woman with three boys, 14, 12 and 9, I remarried. My husband’s first wife died of cancer 5 years earlier and he had four children, three girls 14, 12, 6 and a boy, 5. He was a Senior Pastor at the time and still is. All I had ever really done in ministry was achieve to be on a volunteer prayer team for single parents and involved in the community outreach.
The tremendous battle of a blended family of seven and an entire congregation who thought I was the wrong woman was more than I could bear or thought I could bear. Fear began to grip me inside my heart and mind like my mother who stopped driving at age 36 and had a nervous breakdown. I could not ever understand the fear she experienced until it was happened to me. It took everything I had inside myself to walk out the door and stand next to my husband in the church services. Fear and anxiety dominated my every thought. Without going into greater detail after about 6 months of this, we went to see a counselor. We were recommended to a Christian psychologist who specialized in pastoral marriages. Needless to say, he was not able to help us. All of our children began showing severe signs of dysfunction or as I would call it now, severe neglect of a spanking for some (mine) and over correction, no love for others (his).
In essence, the neglect of taking the Scriptures as truth in all and every situation became very apparent to us both. I searched for help on the Internet and in every book possible. Looking up bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia….anything that might help me with this fear that I had, I then began to study these “mental” illnesses trying to determine which one I had. I pleaded with the Lord to show me what was wrong with me. I believed I would not have to take medication but to be honest, that was what I wanted. He answered me loud and clear. “I have given you all you need in the Word, prayer and the Holy Spirit.”
For some reason I began to do a search on self-idolatry. Then I came across Psycho-heresy, a newsletter from Martin & Deidre Bobgan. I began to read everything I could on their site and ordered some books. I began to see the apparent neglect of taking responsibility for my sin. Two of my children at that time, were exposed in sexual sin. One boy, Skylar 14 and one girl, Ashley 15. Both my husband and I began to really understand the depravity of man at a deeper level absolutely shocked that they could “sin”. The need to believe the Word could heal them as well as me became such a focus for our lives that we just wanted more.
Our son, Skylar, was 14 and to young to enter into a program dealing with sexual sin called “Purelife Ministries” so I asked them for all the material they could possibly give us. Eric and I studied every scripture, every book they recommended and listened to all the tapes ourselves and then began a serious change with our children being our first counselees by discipling them all at different levels and with different issues. Eric worked hard with Skylar and had tremendous breakthrough. By virtue of studying all these things but the Word being the foremost important our marriage began to take on a new dynamic. I changed. He changed. I learned to repent and take personal responsibility for saying I loved my boys but divorcing when the going got to tough and leaving them while I traveled. I took responsibility for my behavior, my own sexual sin, and the desire to be worshipped. It was the beginning of freedom from fear and anxiety and the understanding that the root of my sin was pride, self and not trusting the Lord.
The Women’s ministry was part of the growing process for me as well because the thought of teaching women was not a pleasant one. Children were easier. Women were difficult in my thinking. God reminded me I was one, what a revelation! And as part of my new family, girls were introduced into my equation. Boys were all I knew and understood or so I thought. I was a feminist through and through not understanding that this was my theology that had infiltrated my entire thinking. Color it Christian if you will but that is what I was. As I studied the Word and asked the Lord what to teach and lead the women in, I found that my entire philosophy of life was built on a lie and I was not going to be able not to teach the women in the church at that time what I had been learning. I lost a lot of women that way but greater freedom came to me and my family, as well as many women in the Church that stayed, changed and grew as a result. My role was established long before I was born. Genesis 2:18. I stepped out of teaching with my husband in services and more freedom came. Many women began to come to me for counsel. My husband and I began 6 years ago to counsel marriages together. But the more we learned the more our relationship changed and grew into the wonderful relationship it is today. We still have our challenges and difficulties but understand God’s plan in all of it.
All that to explain that I really love and enjoy counseling women and teens and would not have ever imagined that this would be where I would end up but I have. What they see is the fruit of what God has done with a family that might have looked good on the outside but had real issues to deal with on the inside. I address many different issues and with resolutions all based out of the Word of God because of real life experience. I still feel fear on occasion but it is not an idol in my life any longer. Who I was 10 years ago and who I am today because of learning and growing myself is entirely different.
Why I am not an integrationist….
An integrationist is one who “integrates” or joins two to make a whole by bringing secular or psychology and parts of the Bible into Christian counseling and calls it Christian counseling. This is not biblical and should not be applied to biblical counseling because an integrationist is working on getting unfulfilled needs met where a biblical counselor is working on getting the counselee free from sin because it has jeopardized his relationship with Christ and possibly with his or her family through a process of changing old patterns of ungodly behavior or putting off, changing hers/his thought life and putting on new habits given to us in the Word of God.
According to what I have learned and understand the answer would be no with regards to working with a psychologist as well. Psychology or psychiatry, which according to Jay Adams is the illegitimate child of psychology, has not solved anything. Patients have failed to recover or in some instances get worse. Instead of taking personal responsibility they blame society. We have this tendency to blame everything we do wrong on someone else. The goal of the psychiatrists is personality and behavior change and their method is value modification. It usurps the Christian minister. In How to Counsel Biblically by John MacArthur it says this in regards to secular disciplines:
“Secular disciplines may serve us well as they describe people; they may challenge us by how they seek to explain, guide, and change people; but they seriously mislead us when we take them at absolute face value because they are secular.”
I tried psychology in the guise of other names coming from the Evangelicalistic Christian viewpoint. It did not work and never will work because it is a mixed thought of psychology with some of the Bible principles instead of using the Scripture as the basis for every issue except perhaps with regards to an organic problem such as a brain tumor or cancer. I see that many of us have had an eclectic and pragmatic thought because over the years we have accepted the humanistic philosophy that the Word of God needs help by redefining for example what mental illness really is over many years. I believe that psychology has no room in the place of Biblical Counseling because the Bible is moral discipleship along with taking personal responsibility and not a medical diagnosis or treatment.
If you desire Biblical Counseling in the Orange County area please email me at michellehensley1@gmail.com.
~Michelle Hensley
This is my question: Our son is in the Navy. He had a wonderful Christian home to grow up in and there is not excuse for not takine his 3 1/2 year old daughter to church and sunday school. It makes me very upset that he is not giving her the opportunity that we gave him. We are in the ministry and have been for 31 years.
Should a grandparent just take over? Or are we enabling him to stay home and not fulfill his spiritual obligation to his child? By the way, we do not mind taking her to church, but we also feel he should get back to his roots.
Dear D. Price,
Before we move on to in law conflict or challenges, we need to recognize the married couples bond overrides all other relationships as well as the children’s relationship even to you the grandparent. It can be very difficult when you see your children take a different path than what you have taken in bringing your children up in the Lord.
Paul tells us after God, marriage is first, children are second and work is third on the priority scale.
This is told to us in 1 Timothy 3:2, Ephesians 5:22, 6:1-4, then Ephesians 6:5-9.
Children must leave behind an inordinate dependence upon their parents when they marry. He is not dependent upon you and your thoughts for his children, if he was then the relationship would be parent-centered. It is one thing to seek out wise counsel from the parent and quite another when the child feels that have to do everything the parents say.
Adult married children need to examine the things their parents do to see if they are biblical and do they want to carry out that same thing with their children.
Our roles change, we are still the mother but we are no longer responsible the same way and that includes our grandchildren. Our role is to now be a blessing to our children and draw them to us not push them away.
If you have a personal relationship with the Lord and your son does not, that is another situation. There is a wonderful book written by Jim Newheiser called, “When good kids make bad choices.” He addresses why this happens, children not raising their own children in godliness. This is a problem in the church today on a whole. Men and women are leaving the faith. Now what you need to do is pray. Pray for wisdom and love for your son. What you want is for your son to have a personal relationship with Christ, then take your granddaughter to church. You cannot take a grandchild away for religious purposes and that is not biblical. You as a grandparent should not take over at all but you could probably talk to your son in a kind way and ask why, he might tell you if you have a good relationship. Does your son live with you or in his own place? Is he married? These questions will make a difference. I know it can be difficult but the Lord can and will give you the grace to walk through it. Your son probably needs to be honored in his parenting but because I do not know more, I can’t know that. I have a teaching in the in-law section which will help you deal with your son and how you are to walk through a grown adult child. Romans 4 and 5 are great chapters in developing faith through difficulty.
Hope this helps~
Michelle